Last minute gifts

Today is the official last day with the group; after today, many of us are going home, some of us are going to stay, and the rest will continue to travel. Either way, the past 30-some-odd days will be behind us and the chapter will be closed with these faces I've grown familiar with.

I spent the day with Ashley. My original roomate from the beginning. My twin away from my twin.

We shopped around trying to gather our last minutes gifts back for our Loved ones back home. Gifts for ourselves, of course, came into play as we looked for outfits to wear for our final dinner as well.

I realize that Playa del Carmen is not my style of vacationing and will probably leave tomorrow for Isla Mujeres. This place is just a dollar sign for travellers looking for "culture" in their 3rd world Starbucks and Burger King.

Ashley and I got back to the hotel and I got cleaned up as well as I could in an attempt to look like a lady again. After the treks, jungles, beaches, adventures...one tends to look a bit roughed up.
I put on my brand new short blue sweater/dress and met the rest of the groups downstairs who have already started with the tequila shots. Tiago's group had decided to go to a fancy restaurant (Fuzion) whereas our group has chosen to go to the same cheap (yet delicious) taco place from the night before.

With the tacos devoured, the alcoholic beverages drank, and the inappropriate comments said...we all headed to where Tiago's group were having dinner to join them for more drinks. I tried to enjoy the night but my mind was elsewhere.
These gifts I've got back at the hotel, they're thoughtful.
But they won't describe the things i've seen. They won't show the places i've been. They won't spill the flavours i've tasted.
These people that i'm surrounded by at this moment, they were my family away from my family. But they won't be there for me tomorrow. They won't be awaiting on updates if i get to my next destination safely.

At the beginning of this trip, i knew that i've bought myself a gift.
Nearing the end of this trip, I see that I bought a memory and an experience that I wouldn't trade for the world.

As we watched the performers at Fuzion restaurant, every now and then people would get up and start salsa dancing. I've never salsa'd before but Sid was persistent with the fact that he needed to teach me the basics. We danced for a bit but then after seeing some eyes look over, I felt self-conscious and told him to dance with someone else as I continued to drink at the side of the bar. There's no place like the side bar. As I hung around there and the others continued to socialize, an older gentleman started to talk to me. He's Israeli but has been living in Playa del Carmen for some time. As it turns out, he owns this restaurant. He continued to buy my drinks, and I continued to let him. He invited me to see his "jungle tree-house style" home but after some wise words from Sid, I decided against it and went home with the rest of the group.

We got back into the hotel and continued to drink left over booze and smoke some herbal. I hung around with Sid and we listened to music from my mp3 player. The sountrack to my trip. We listened as I associated memories to each track knowing that i'll never hear these songs the same again.

Lives in Transit

I looked across the hotel to the restaurant and there was no movement. The shores were inhabited by only animals; stray dogs, massive birds, and pests loitered around the beach. A couple of rastaas who have yet to catch some sleep were hanging around one of the unoccupied vendor stands drinking from mystery bottles.
There was a hum in the air, it's hard to explain. The clouds haven't fully parted to make way for the sun yet. The same way the drapes haven't parted in many windows to allow the day to begin. But we were up.
We were up and ready to slip out of Caye Caulker's memory.

Today was a pure transit day. If i remember correctly, a 13 hour day in transit to Mexico.
Water taxi - taxi - public bus - private bus
I slept a lot of the way with only a few side conversations here and there with the group. It was winding down to an close soon with them.

We got into Mexico and from the ADO bus station, walked to our hotel conveniently called Playa Del Carmen hotel. The only thing on our minds was food. Tiago's group decided to take showers and settle down first...our group put our things down and wanted to head over to the Taco eatery that Sid was talking about earlier.
After satisfying our stomachs, we went to satisfy the rest of our senses and strolled down to the shops.

After the adventures that I've had on this trip...after meeting the locals and travellers that I have on this trip...after losing myself and after finding myself on this trip.........Playa Del Carmen was taking it's America-wannabe city and rubbing out my new found culture.
Burger King, DQ, Starbucks, H&M, American Apparel...those were just some of the names i came across on the stroll. Instead of going out and partying, I decided that i would relax at the hotel. I looked at my shoes that hung off the front of my backpack. A reminder of the near-death experience on Volcano Pacaya. In my bag, I pulled out receipts and scrap pieces of paper I've been collecting and writing on. In my bag, I looked through things that I have stashed...new, broken, garbage, old...it all served as a reminder of things that have happened this trip.
Just like that, it was time to clean up.

Pretty soon, this will all just slip out of my memory.

Goodnight and Goodbye

The country I thought that would be rather civilized and wealthy, in fact looks like the ghetto. Side stares are thrown, not smiles. People in Belize City seem to be looking to make a quick buck in any way they can. I didn't feel safe as I have in the previous cities and towns.

I slept most of the ride from San Jose to Caye Caulker via Belize City. Today is the day before our tour leader's birthday (Sid) so we've decided that we would celebrate it tonight once we get in so that he could relax on his actual day of birth.

In Belize city waiting for our water taxi to come in, we were in the waiting area with not much to do. I thought it would be a good idea to stroll around the premises as we wait to see what there is to see, taste what there is to taste, and meet who's there to meet. Even though i was scared of my surroundings, i insisted i give it a shot. I was visually scanning at all times making sure i was aware of my surroundings as much as possible. With only 2BZ (Belizean dollars) in my pocket, i couldn't get far. On my walk, i managed to meet a local who gave me a quick lesson on how to speak Creole. Basically any word that ended with an "er" would now end with an "a" instead. For example, you wouldn't say mother...it would be motha...fucker would be fucka...mother fucker would be motha fucka.


After my quick stroll up and down the street, i went back into the waiting terminal for the taxi where i was befriended by a local Belizean. To make a long story short, he was trying to sell me marijuana. I strung him along with absolutely no intention of buying from him. As it turns out, security was watching me. Before loading onto the water taxi, security came up to me and tapped me on the shoulder with a pair handcuffs. He warned me not to buy anything of that nature from anybody or else it would be a different story. I explained that with 2BZ, there wasn't much that i would be able to buy anyways, and i got onto the boat.


We walked along the shores to our hotel. Once we settled into our rooms, we crossed the little beach street and over to the on-the-shore restaurant where they were playing good island music. While we were eating lunch by the beach, i went to where the DJ was and requested the speakers to be turned up. We finished our meals and headed towards our hotel but i made sure i stopped by to speak with the DJ.
His name is Smiley and he works for the restaurant. He was a flirty guy who was offering to be of service should we need anything. He boasted as the trusted guy in the island, a guy who the police can't touch. I told him I would see him later if i needed anything and went along.

This night, the group slowly got ready while tossing back a giant bottle of Flore de Cana which was generously donated by Ashley. She decided she wouldn't partake in the festivities but she gave us the bottle to destroy anyhow. Slowly but surely, the group started getting sauced. Soon, the search for the herbal was on. Remembering the words of my new found friend earlier, I made my way across the beach path to the restaurant to find Smiley. Sure enough, they were having their own pre-party. I presented him with 5BZ (equivalent to $2.50CAD) and told him that's all i have in exchange for an herbal stick. He was flirty from the beginning so i knew i had a bit of an advantage. At this point, i was taking it. He rolled it up in a cigar leaf for me. Feeling somewhat obligated to hang with him, i invited him to come up to our balcony for a drink. He pre-partied with us. Sid took me into his room to make sure i was ok. I assured him i was sober still...but in fact, i wasn't. Doesn't mean that i was stupid, this just means i was drunk.

A couple more of Sid's tour-leader friends came up to the balcony to drink and do the countdown for his day of birth. Past midnight, we decided to head out to a club. Smiley came along. At this point, i was already in a magical place in my head. The group partied as i chilled by the bar.
Soon, after noticing that all i was doing was noticing (rather than partaking), i decided that i needed a pep talk with the mirror in the washroom. I gave the spill and my reflection listened carefully.

I walked out of the washroom and an image stared back the moment i exited. In order to protect his privacy, we'll call him James. James didn't look like anyone else in Belize. He is a mix of cultures, tall, had dreadlocks, and had a friendly smile. He has spent the majority of his life in San Diego and has only been living in Belize for the last 3 months. He would be a beginner rastaa...or a rastaa in training, if you will.

There were cameras pointed towards the dance floor and TV's projecting the images along the back of the bar. It was intimidating to hit the dance floor while everyone (the group included) were watching but with enough beverages and an alluring smile, James had lured me on to dance to some reggaeton.
As it turns out, he's a scuba/snorkel instructor for the company i had booked a tour with earlier today. I was already contemplating cancelling my full day of snorkeling for the next day, but this pushed me to the edge and i was certain i would cancel early next morning. He told me to cancel and we would go on our own tour. Knowing very well i wouldn't do this...i said yes anyways and we continued to dance.
One of the other tour-leaders had tried to pull me away to dance with him instead and i entertained it for a bit only to go back to James within the next minute. I spent the majority of my time with James.

The next morning, stares from the locals were thrown at me as if I had done something wrong. I found the group at the restaurant across the hotel eating breakfast. They were hearing rumours too. I got into my room and took a shower and tried to get ready for the day. Everyone headed for their full day of snorkeling. I stayed behind to write at the restaurant. I hung out with Smiley and we talked and talked all day. He took me to the other side of the split. I was aware of his intentions, but I'm too well aware of how to handle myself to let anything happen. Even though I had only known Smiley for a day and a half at most, i learned a lot about my self (rather, my insecurities) from him. Sometimes it takes a complete stranger to pull off the masks we hide ourselves with. I was at a vulnerable state. The fact that a complete stranger was having "moment of truths" with me was making my mind whirr so much that i thought i wasn't thinking at all at certain moments.



We walked back to the hotel and i parted ways with him with the promise of seeing him later that night to celebrate Sid's birthday. I didn't go back to my room, rather i went to a nearby dock. I sat there and watched a man fish with his two dogs. I watched and he noticed me watching but i didn't care, i decided to not flip the channel and i continued to watch.

I headed back to my room before the group got back. I tried to get some sleep before Deborah came in to tell me all the fantastic things they've seen during snorkeling. Once she got in (and i may have gotten all 20 minutes of a nap) sure enough, she was telling me how great it was. Instead of going on though, she changed it back to me and asked me how my night/morning was. Soon Ashley was in our room and we were having girl talk.

Girl talk came to an end as the group decided to get together for a birthday dinner with Sid. We had fantastic Red Snappers and Lobster. It hit the spot.



On our walk back to the hotel, i walked with Sid. I confided in him and he was a good friend to listen indeed. There we were standing at the front of the hotel, just me and him talking. To the other side of us was the restaurant Smiley works at where we were expected to come party.

I wished Sid a happy birthday and said goodnight...headed to my room to sleep Belize off.

Even though I didn't do any tours this day; even though I stayed behind, i still feel that i'm going somewhere...that i'm getting there...that i've gotten something.

No wasted day...just wasted people

What unites this group and brings us together at the end of what may be a very long and tiring day?
What encourages such a group to share many hearty genuine laughs?
What kind of things does such a diverse group talk about over a dinner table?

Well...having a few bevies during happy hour(s) while smoking some herbal the group talked about movies for the entire evening. Slide in a game of asshole (a card game we play almost nightly) and you would have thought we've all been friends for ages.


Everyone except for Ashley and I had gone on the ATM tour. We stayed and lounged around the camp grounds. When the group came back from their adventure, we all gathered for our nightly ritual of drinking Nicaragua's Flore de Cana. Our new friends Steven and Nathan came with their own bottles as well as a big fatty to spread around. I wasn't drinking, but i sure inhaled.
The warm hug of alcohol did it's best to keep the group warm on such a chilly Belizean night. The clouds of green pulled eyelids to a squint and laughs from the heart of the belly.

After a day of lounging around and playing darts, no day is wasted. Just myself and the people around me.

No shoes - No flashlight - BIG problem

Today we crossed over to Belize.
Our hotel's name is Tropical Wings trek stop and it is literally about 5 minutes away from the Guatemalan-Belize border. This is the hotel I was warned about. It is, in a sense, similar to the jungle huts we had stayed at in Tijax (Guatemala)...except, not only did this place have a communal toilet/shower area shared amongst all of the guests, these toilets were biodegradable. I applaud the forward-thinking of the owners; Tropical Wings trek stop has won several awards in the previous years in regards to it's eco-friendliness. Unfortunately, the number of awards and certificates presented to the hotel do not mask the smell rising up from the lined-up holes in the ground. Neither do the woodchips that we are requested to toss into the holes once 'business' is adjourned.

After a brief introductory meeting from the hotel owner, Deborah and I walked into town to see what this place was about. It seemed like a ghost town. There were no other people really around and a many of the stores/restaurants were hidden. It was almost creepy...think, ghetto meets the jungle. We followed our ears and found a high school band playing outside. At first we thought it was a pep-rally type deal, but there weren't nearly enough people gathered around for it to be. Maybe it was just them practicing. Either way, we were too apprehensive about it all to get a closer look or ask someone. Before going back to the hotel, we stopped by the largest grocery store in town. This store was...wait for it...owned and operated by Chinese people. As far as I can tell, the woman running the cash register could barely speak English, didn't speak a bit of Creole, and knew not a lick of Spanish. Yet they were the biggest store and thriving.

We got back to the hotel and I decided I would just lazy around and watch a dvd in the open air restaurant. I popped in Darjeeling limited. About halfway through the movie, I decided to head to my little cabin to take a nap - there wasn't much else to do and I'd seen this movie before. On my way there, I met a guy who was taking photographs of some birds. His name is Nathan. He quickly finds out that I'm Canadian and calls for his friend who was coming out of their cabin. Steven is also Canadian - he's from Toronto. After a quick getting-to-know-you, the boys invited me to come along to see the mayan ruins nearby. Without hesitation, I went to my cabin and grabbed my camera and we were off. We passed by Sid and Otto who were still watching the dvd I had popped in at the restaurant. I told Sid that I would be going to see the ruins and would be back shortly. He looks at me puzzled and tells me that the site is closed for the day. Nate and Steve decided to head into town to have some food and so I went back to my room for a nap as I didn't want to venture back into the ghetto-jungle.

I got up just in time as the boys were heading back into their cabin, which happened to be right next door to mine. Nate calls me over and I could tell he was going to ask me something he didn't want anyone else to hear. "You're from Vancouver so you probably smoke pot don't you...?", he asks. Steve chimes in, "dude, she's from Vancouver, of course she does".
Of course I admitted to doing so. We decided that we would wander the property of Tropical Wings trek stop to find the unexcavated mayan temple and smoke pot as a reward. I was pretty relaxed with my rolled up jeans, flip flops, and light jacket. With nothing but my camera in my hand, we took off. With the excitement, neither of us had realized that the sun was setting pretty fast. Neither of us even had a flashlight...no map...nothing. It was inevitable, we got lost.

You know when you're scared, for some reason it feels like your senses are heightened? I wasn't cold that evening - i was freezing. After some convincing, the guys decided to follow me to retrace our steps back towards the cabins instead of trying to follow the sounds of the highway. Later on, the guys had admitted that they were stoned. I sighed in relief.

We got back to our cabins and on our way in were stopped by Tito, the hotel owner. Where are you guys coming from, he asked. We told him what had happened and he just looked at us in disbelief. I don't want to know what he was really thinking. He reminded us of the meeting the tour company was going to be having at 7pm that evening and suggested we all listen and pick up the ATM adventure. We had about half an hour before it was presentation time so we headed to the boy's cabin to hot box.
I was pretty baked. I headed back to my cabin afterwards and just chilled for a bit until it was 7pm. I made my way to the restaurant where the tour company was meeting us up when it was time. I was so cold that my main concern was remaining dry and warm for the next 2 days. Every adventure the representative had explained had some kind of water activity involved and we would get wet. Being baked, I decided i would rather stay in my cabin the next day and just be warm and dry. So i decided i wouldn't sign up for anything. Ashley felt the same way.

I kept mostly quiet, ate my warm vegetarian chili soup for the remainder of the night and wrapped the day playing asshole with the regulars until my pillow called my head.

disconnected

It was a 6am start as we drove out from Flores and headed over to Tikal to see the wonders of the Mayan temples. Tikal is the largest Mayan site in all of Central America with many pyramids still currently being excavated.

Our guide's name is Jose and he is a knowledgeable older man. During the tour, he talks about the process of sacrificing a human. One of the most common sacrifices that are made to please the Gods is to kill the most beautiful girl in the village.




When it calls for it - Shamans, priests, and older wise men in the town would get together to choose which beautiful girl would be sacrificed. She would be then prepared mentally, spiritually, and physically until she reaches a certain age knowing that at a specific date all will be no more. She will obviously be willing to do this - nobody is forced. Back in the day, it was an honor to be chosen so there were little to no complaints. On the night of the ritual, the beautiful girl is given special tea (mushroom tea; hallucinogenic) to be closer to God. Shamans will also drink this tea in order to see prophecies.
Because the Mayans believed in reincarnation, the girl being sacrificed knows that she will be back soon...but only different. Instead of coming back a human, she will come back as an animal. Depending on the day that she dies, she will be reincarnated as whatever animal is designated to that day.
For example, if today was the day of the raven and girl A dies...she will be then come back to the world as a raven.

Towards the end of the tour of Tikal, we were given free time to roam the main plaza. Instead of going around and climbing the pyramids, I decide to sit beside Jose on a set of steps. I picked his brain and asked a million other questions. He tells me about the other kind of festivals the Mayans would do to mark the equinox, traditions, treatment towards women, etc.

I sat on the ground and looked around as tourists wandered the pyramids to take photos. I tried to imagine these people not as tourists...but Mayans going about daily life.
They weren't holding cameras. In their arms, instead, were crops that were being harvested. The girls sitting in the corner (as if shunned) were sitting alone because they are on their menstruation cycle. Obviously they are important enough to have been invited by the important priests and shamans (regardless of the bad luck they're bringing to the festivities by losing blood) but they sit quietly in the corner and do/eat as they are told. Men gather and drink the concoction that they've fermented themselves and share a laugh.
I quickly snap out of it and realize that I'm surrounded by foreign faces and hear languages of the world; my imagination moment has passed.

We headed back to Flores. On the drive back, my mind was still whirring. Not about what I just saw or learned, but about back home in Vancouver. At the beginning of this trip, I was a bit sad about what happened the night I was leaving for Central America...but now my feelings have changed; I feel like I will be coming home to nothing/nobody. For so long now (we're talking years) I've been attempting to become "disconnected". Living in a high-tech world where facebook messages are at the tip of my fingers through my cell phone...text messages are an all-day thing...e-mails run constantly...i am always connected - never off. I am always readily available, partially because I feel obligated. Now that I've forced myself to partially disconnect, I feel like the others back home have separated from me as much as I have separated from them. There's a space between us now and I'm not sure I want it filled. It's time that I fill my emptiness with myself and be able to stand solid.
I receive picture text messages on my mobile from back home of holiday-festivities and am sad to not have been able to partake. But I'm down only momentarily as I ask myself, why am I sad to not be back home? I look around and almost force myself to appreciate my surroundings. As much as I try, I can't lie, a part of me still wanted to be back in Vancouver with my old life. Getting rid of my FMS syndrome (fear-of-something syndrome) is still a work in progress.

That being said, I decided that a night out in town would cure it all. I feared that I would miss something about Flores (how ironic). After hitting up the town's basketball game in the plaza and a couple of bars for happy hour drinks, slowly others decided to call it a night and headed home. It was Otto and I left and neither of us were wanting to miss anything. We bounced around to and from a reggaeton night club, a live-band bar, and a salsa warehouse party. All of which we randomly found just wandering around the town. My buzz had worn off and we became observers of the night.

Others around us were with their regular group of friends and calling/texting others to tell them where the party's at. I couldn't relate to it anymore. I felt like "Encino Man - so out of place but insisting on embracing what was there in front of me.
Eventually, we called it a night and head back to the hotel. Tonight, I go to bed not wanting to miss what I have in front of me. The possibilities will present themselves as they come. How can I miss what I do not see? FMS syndrome?...no thanks.

I'll be drinking my tea in the meantime. Though it's no hallucinogenic, I'll be back home soon...but only different.

At peace with the hot and cool

After having breakfast, I headed towards the dock for one last time. We leave Rio Dulce today and head over to Flores. While I was sitting there on the dock, a little turtle came swimming below my dangling feet. I have every intention to make this turtle well known, well Loved, and famous.


We loaded the ferry and on the other side, Marco (our favorite driver) was waiting to take us over to the Natural hot waterfalls. It's exactly how it sounds...the waterfalls come from a natural hot springs and comes tumbling down into a cool river. We got there and I was a mere observer at first. I didn't really feel like swimming - it's not my thing. I befriended the attendant that was working there. His name is Fransisco and his job is to watch people's belongings as they go swimming. He asks me why I'm not going in and I tell him that I just don't feel like it. Across the pool, adjacent to the hot waterfalls, was a little trail going up to the source of the hot springs. He points to me an easy way up (which was farther), and then he points to the fastest way up. I was skeptical at first, I didn't want anymore accidents. After some time mentally bracing myself and thinking it through, I decided to go up the fastest way. I got to the top and Otto and Deborah went up too. Fransisco followed us up to show us around. He took us to where the springs were at and brought us back a different way down towards the cool pool. By this point, I had already gotten pushed (by Otto) into the water so I was already soaked. He had good intentions though, he wanted me to get into the water and have fun. I went down to the cool pool where the hot waterfalls were crashing into and chilled on the rocks. The fish of the river came up and picked at my feet...it was a mini pedicure.

After some time, I decided to dry off where we had left our belongings, near Fransisco. This is when i met an 8 year old Yondrea. She's here with her family who are all in the water. She was cold after being in the cool pool so she came up to wrap up in a towel. Although her favorite class in school is English, she much preferred to speak to me in Spanish. Her speech was fast and fluent. We talked for quite a bit and I did my best at trying to keep up. Her family came up after a while to dry off, as did my group. Yondrea and I shared the snacks that we had in our bags as more people started to slowly come up to dry off. We were getting ready to leave when Sid tells me that Yondrea's mom was trying to get my attention. I went to where they were and she asked to take a picture of me. Yondrea and I got together as her dad took our photo. We said goodbye and I went up to the trail back to where our van was waiting with Marco.


The drive was pleasant as we listened to Bossa and Marley tracks watching the Guatemalan scenery pass us by. We got into Flores and settled in. We said our final goodbye to Marco.
Tomorrow is a 6am start as we go to Tikal to see the Mayan temples. I refuse to sleep before having the chance in doing some kind of town wandering so off into town i went.

Lessons in Love

Not having a schedule is nice...being secluded from town and not having a schedule...it's even nicer. I didn't feel obligated to go adventure around so much. The space around me was limited and the adventures to be had still seemed to be endless.

I walked around the premises of the hotel with no goals in mind. Armed with my camera and side bag, I ended up going towards the back of the hotel through some bird watching trail. This trail opened and poured out onto another trail that would lead to town. I was about 15 minutes down this trail when I decided that the animals around me were a bit creepy so I turned back around towards the hotel. I will not know to miss what I did not see.

A few of the others took a boat over to the town of Livingston. They will be gone for several hours.
I got to the little restaurant that we were playing cards in yesterday and hung out with Sid for a bit. We just chatted as he had breakfast and I fooled around on his laptop. He asks about my life back home and we got to talking about siblings and family. I didn't see a reason to hide anything about my life so i was completely honest with him; the dramatic happenings before I left Vancouver were discussed. I heard myself saying the story and saw Sid's expression. This was not a regular story he's heard before, yet i let it out as if it were. Conversations turned into relationship talk.
Do you have a boyfriend?
No.
I made a slight mention to commitment issues and he cuts in and starts talking about the inabilities of some guys and how they can't get it together. I guess he thought i was talking about guys who have had these issues with me. I laughed for a second and quickly corrected him. "It's me, it's hard for me to settle down", I told him. "I have commitment issues", I heard myself say. I've admitted to this several times in the past but hearing myself say it out loud at this moment, and in this time...it sounded uncomfortable.

Ashley was the only other person from our group that I hadn't seen yet. It's either she's still sleeping, or she's surprised us all by doing an early morning adventure. She's not the morning person of the group. Around 11:30am, she surfaced from her room looking well rested - she slept in. We lounged around for some time, chatting in the restaurant. Relationships seem to be the hot topic as my one-on-one conversations with Ashley was dominated by this. Regardless of age, race, country of origin, sex...the human relationship is a hard one to conquer and manage it seems.


The sun came out for a while so i took advantage and sat on the dock to soak it in and have some personal time. I sat there and gazed out onto the lake as boats passed by and sparrows fluttered around. I thought about the conversations I just had at the restaurant.

A boat with Otto, Deborah, and Roger came pulling up to the dock; they had just finished their trip to Livingston. We all headed back to the restaurant together to lounge. My mind was still in a wander as I sat there trying to look occupied with a book. Nothing was being read, nothing was being absorbed. A couple of double daiquiris and gin/tonic later, I was ready to have dinner. Slowly one at a time, the group dispersed into the night. Whether it was to drink rum with some Ukraine girls, apply for jobs online, or sleep some more...Sid and I were left at the restaurant talking more about the human relationship and with ones self.

I learned that the base of human relationships stand on (in no particular order):

1. mental
2. emotional
3. physical

If either of these things take a beating or does not meet at a satisfactory level, it will affect one of the other factors which in turn would make the base of the relationship crumble. No relationship should ever be under the influence of alcohol or any other substance. You have to be aware...how else will you know what your heart is saying if you can't hear?
Slowly we realize that we're the only ones left in the restaurant and the lights have been adjusted to a dim as if to tell us that the restaurant is now closed.
We walked over to one of the bungalows where the guys were drinking with the Ukraine girls. I stayed there for a bit then decided to call it a night.

I may not have had a schedule today, or any activities for that matter...but the conversations that filled my mind was enough to make me feel that I've had a full day.

Late for nothing

We left Antigua today, finally. Once you have seen one colonial town, it gets a bit repetitive. Beautiful, they are but it is about time we move along.

After the long trek via private van, public bus, boat cross at Lake Izabal...we finally made it. We got to our little jungle bungalows and the little treehouse looking rooms are reminiscent of cabin-camping complete with the single communal bathroom shared amongst all who are staying there. Of course, except we would then be camping in Guatemala. Neither of the activities offered in this town excited me. Horseback riding would have been fun but it is cold these days and with nothing much to actually see on the ride, it did not seem worth it to go. I decided tomorrow would be a me day. Chill on my own and adventure around the premises of the hotel. This place is like a secluded island and in order to get into town, a 5 minute ferry is needed to get across the lake. There's not much to do here so maybe this will help force me to catch up on my journal and reflect on how it's all been going so far. The pace of this trip has definitely changed in the past couple of days. Before, things were go-go-go...and now it's more like go-if-you-need-to. I don't mind it, it's different.



The group all had dinner together and we played card games (asshole) until late in the evening. We all walked towards our rooms at the end of the night. I went to bed knowing that tomorrow, i would be going to a communal bathroom. I went to bed knowing that tomorrow, I would be be late for nothing.

homesick

Today was another chill day. I didn't call either Julio or Edy from yesterday night. Instead, I wandered around town with Deborah around the plaza and markets. I managed to find a bike for extremely cheap but decided to just wander around on foot instead.

Maybe a total of 36 days on vacation is too much...??? I cant help but feel that Im losing the novelty of this all and it's an unfair feeling. I look around and I know that I'm lucky to be here. I look around and know that I am not going to be here for much longer. Yet this is feeling is a hard one to shake off.
After wandering town, I bought textile dye and colored two shirts that I had sucessfully stained from New Years Eve/day and watched TV all night. There are 11 more days left on this trip and I know I can't continue forward like this. I need to get over this speedbump and just keep on keeping on because these days are numbered.

Que raro!!

I got a bike for free today. In a town where I was being quoted $5USD/hr for bike rentals, i managed to get one at no cost! This is how it happened...

After yesterday's little 'moment', i decided that from here on out i would be making the most out of this trip. It is my vacation and the choice to be positive is mine to make. I walked to get breakfast with Ashley and asked nearly every place and person i passed if they had a bike for rent. For the ones that did in fact have bikes available, they were asking for too much money. I decided i would give up the search and thought that i was destined to walk throughout the town for the day. As I was paying my bill at the restaurant we had breakfast in, i gave it one more shot. I asked our waiter if he had a bike for rent. He was young and looks like he probably has a personal bike...everyone around here seems to ride. He tells me that the restaurant doesn't rent out bikes. I asked him if he personally had a bike that I could pay him to use as he works. He tells me to wait as he disappears to the back. He came back rolling in with his bike from where it was sitting behind the restaurant. How much is it per hour, i asked him. Nada, he replied. I told him he has to charge something, but he didn't want anything for it. What time do you want me to come back, i asked. He didn't mind...come back whenever you're done.

I rode that bike into the neighboring town and found myself in front of a church at the plaza. I sat there and thought as i people watched. These people are not a gimmick, the clothes they wear are not some kind of costume or attraction to make sales. These people are real. The sincerity I was afraid that was missing, was only momentarily hidden. It's been there the entire time. I soaked in the sun as i watched mothers walk to and from with babies simply strapped on their backs with colorful blankets and groceries in their hands. Bikes and tuk tuks roll by. Heads turn wondering what a tourist like me is doing just "wasting time" in the plaza watching time go by. I've settled into this place, i've come to peace with him. We understand each other now.


After some more riding around the town, i decided to head back to the restaurant late afternoon to return the bike. He refused to take the little Quetzales I had left (I had something in the equivalence of 1.50usd) but i insisted he take it. I thanked him and walked away with a completely empty pocket happy with the outcomes of the day.
Any of the in-case cash I had no longer existed. Others from the group had offered to loan me some money but I've refused it for the most part. I figured that if i run out of money, i need to face consequences and pay for my negligent decisions. This was my attempt in taking responsibility and standing on my own two feet. Now that I'm at a complete zero...it will be interesting how I will continue forward.

As I was walking towards the hotel, a group of boys who had been cat-calling at me at every passing attempts to stop me. Hey sweetie, they called out. One's name is Daniel and he walks with me as I didn't stop at their calls. He tells me that he's trying to sell some bracelets and that so he can make money for books he needs for school. A friend of his pops out from around a corner and asks me flat out, "do you want some ganja?" I stopped in my tracks. I wanted some but had no money to buy any. I explained this to them and we came to the agreement that we would go smoke a joint at the lake together and I wouldn't pay anything. We walked towards the lake and passed by more of their friends. One calls for me and says that he had seen me earlier taking photos at the plaza. I guess he saw me in the other town while I was in front of the church. Daniel, his friend, and I continued on towards the lake but then realize that neither of us had a lighter. It was a sign. My travel day would be a regular travel day. We didn't get smoked out. Maybe in Antigua I'll find some.

I got to the hotel and met the others so we could make our way back to Antigua via private van.

We got into town and another happy-hour was called for. I didn't join the group this time around. I had a room to myself in this hotel and wanted some alone time. I put on some HTV (hispanic music channel) and relaxed. I went down to meet the others in time to go for dinner. I drank some rum and caught up to their level of inebriation pretty fast. Supposedly, the hot spot for this Tuesday night was a little night club called 'La Sala'. Deborah and I headed over there buzzing. Along the way, we befriended a guy named Julio. He's a 21 year old student in school for Hotel tourism. He joined us for pre-party dinner and more drinks. He offered to pay for everything. The offer was touching enough so I decided that I would pay for everything using my credit card. We got to La Sala but it was closed. Tuesday seems to be somewhat of a ghost town as far as night life goes. Fair enough. Julio walked Deborah and I back to the hotel stopping by whatever bar was open in hopes of a party. Malas suerte. Once we got inside the hotel he gave me his phone number and told me to call him the next evening and he would take me out for a motorcycle ride. Maybe? I'm not going to lie...I probably will not call him.
I got into my room and felt restless. My buzz still whirring, I decided I would walk back out on my own and find someplace to party. Deborah was tired so this was a solo mission for me. On my stroll, I was stopped by a guy named Edy. He creeped me out a bit as he immediately swooped in for a kiss as his greeting (that i successfully dodged). He tells me it's not safe to walk around town by myself, being a girl and all. He offered to walk me back to my hotel so I agreed. I kept my guard up knowing that he probably had some wrong intentions. We got to my hotel and he gave me his phone number. Call me in the morning and I'll get you a bike to ride town tomorrow, he tells me. Maybe? I'm not going to lie...I probably will not be calling him either.

I got back into my room still wanting to party. Skeptical of what kind of person I would meet on a 3rd attempt to find a party, I decided to stay in my room.

Maybe tomorrow? Maybe not? Maybe, nonetheless.

Education comes at a cost - you're a walking $ sign

I survived Chichicastenango today. Chichi is Guatemala's version of an outdoor metrotown mall. Me and my 40 Quetzales couldn't get far anyways so it was a forced-to-be-good type of situation. I weaved through the walkways, took photos, translated for others what i could...i chilled. There was nothing that screamed, "i gotta have it" anyways.

I've been in kind of a funk lately. Maybe I've actually managed to be jaded in the past couple of days, but i can't help but feel that the sincerity in people's words no longer exist. It's almost as if these locals i meet only speak to me to make a sale. To them, I'm just a walking dollar sign. These compliments that they lay on thickly is a gimmick - a marketing plot. Flattering as they are, i know that the moment i turn the corner, that line is used again on another passing tourist. I don't expect anything more or less than that.
I also sense that i'm nothing to them but an their entertainment piece. "Let's watch the Chinita manage her way through town and try speaking our language...let's see what she'll fall for", it feels like they're saying.

In one way it's fair.
I mean I am just another tourist in their country taking photos of their people and culture, observing what I can. This is their business; this is their life and this is how they make money. They're as much entertainment to me as I am to them.

In summary, we're just using each other. They're annoyed by me as I am with some of them. They stare at me and doubt me as much as i stare and doubt them.
On the opposite side of spectrum however, they're as fascinated in me as i am fascinated in some of them. They look and want to know about my life as i look and want to know about theirs.
Then maybe the real summary is...we're just two co-existing cultures trying to work with each other to achieve our goals.