C.R.A.Z.Y.

Another important occasion, and I'm doing it again; I'm choosing to venture out by myself to a foreign land for three weeks in celebration of my birthday. My flight to Peru leaves tomorrow.

Two nights before departure, I sat in the living room and listened to Sonny and Aissa plan out the birthday shenanigans.
I thought I was crazy for going to Peru completely solo but after hearing their conversation, i decided that maybe I'm not as crazy as these two are.
Last year, if you asked me to party for two good weeks to celebrate our birthdays, I would have been first to jump on board and making any phone calls necessary to assure it was a big damn deal. As a matter of fact...I was. I was partially responsible for the debauchery of last year's celebrations.
This year, things are different. I'm different.
I've been sober since April this year.

Today I left work early to meet the family for a birthday lunch.
Aissa and Sonny came together as they did the Grouse grind in the morning. Mom and Dad came together from Surrey. I came by myself from work.

On the way home, I rode in Aissa's car with Sonny. We had conversations of 'fun times'. Sonny poked fun of Aissa...I poked fun at her too. Sonny got his fair share of jokes slapped on him. Then Aissa pointed over to me. She brought up stories I've completely forgotten about. Drunken stories that should be forgotten. "We've lived so many different lives!", Aissa said. She's right.
I sat in the backseat remembering things I've worked hard to forget. Call them awful, shameless, degrading, hilarious, delirious, stupid, silly, dangerous times...these moments are unforgettable. They make me. As hard as I've tried to black them out, they will always make a way back and re-surface.
I still stand today but I walk a bit diffent. Today I walk straight...living a different 'life'.

It seems that I've grown apart from Sonny and Aissa. I don't have much to relate with them anymore. I've already lost several "friends" in this attempt to better myself. I know I'll never fully lose my own brother and twin sister, but i also know that we are not as close as we once were and that makes me sad.

I take off on a plane tomorrow and I'll probably be crying for more than a handful of reasons. This trip comes timely, I'm sure, as there are several lessons to be learned. I never really always know all the reasons why i do the things i do...but i know they'll start showing themselves soon enough.