The beginning of good buys

A lot of people have asked me why i'm going on this trip.
A lot of people have asked why i'm doing it alone.
To be honest, i still don't fully understand why either...

During what is supposed to be the most festive time of the year i have chosen to be solo - distant from my family/friends and to be in a completely different continent. In a place where i don't speak or understand the language. In a place i have no connection to. I've chosen to be in a place where my daily routine does not matter and is not in effect whatsoever. Being a fairly social person, it is no surprise that this decision i have made has baffled some people.



On a Sunday morning, a week after my birthday, i recall waking up with signals being shot throughout me. My brain was fully active and every part of my being was shouting.
I got up that morning bright and early with an urge for a change. Yes, the nights before were drenched in alcohol but i swear it had nothing to do with this decision. If anything, it helped put words into action.

I'm in lust with adventure. The year thus far has been filled with what some would call that, but i'm in the mood for a different kind. An overseas kind. The kind that is exotic and absolutely foreign to what i am used to. This trip will be different from the ones i've taken previously because i will have no familiar face to rely on but myself while i'm out there.
I have no Avery. No nurse at hand to help me when i break my toe. No friend to help me out when i run out of money. I will be alone when i befriend the locals.
I have no Navdeep. No professional barterer to help me score deals at the marketplace. No friend to help me translate what people are asking me. I will be alone when I celebrate big occasions.
I have no Aissa. I have no partner in crime who will want to stir shit up. No sister to be worried about me when i'm sick. I will be alone at the party.
I am vulnerable.

One of the many goals i have for this trip is to be able to stand on my own. I'm an adult. I fair well with the responsibilities i have here at home, but a bigger part of me is convinced i have some growing up left to do. I don't doubt that. Throughout this trip i will be forced to (and hopefully learn to) be comfortable with myself. This trip is my attempt to gain confidence in every part of me. I hope to gain more emotional intelligence and maturity; there is no need for me to hang on to tragedies of the past...i hope to be present.

While it seems as though everyone around me is shopping for Christmas presents, i am packing.
I can buy a lot of things; there are a lot of material items that can fool me into a sense of fulfillment as it has before.
But perhaps this trip that i have bought...will hopefully find me something else.

Maybe it is possible to buy the intangible...